The New President of Central

By: Henry Chiles, Gritty Enthusiast

A new beginning is coming for Central High School. As everyone knows, our beloved President, Mr. McKenna is leaving. This means a new, well-educated, highly experienced, and hardworking person (or animal-thing) will become the next head of school. At first, Central planned to go through months of interviewing and evaluating before choosing a candidate. However, this plan went out the window once the committee received an impossibly impressive application for the job. Therefore, I am beyond excited to announce the 15th President of Central High School will be the man, the myth, the legend: Gritty!

That’s right, the former mascot of the Philadelphia Flyers is now prepared to pursue a new career at our school. After the Flyers lost a record breaking thirteen games in a row, Gritty became severely depressed and quit his job. He started wearing sandals, shaved his luscious, orange beard, and even reached out to the Phillie Phanatic to ask about a potential job as a baseball mascot. These uncharacteristic actions continued until Gritty read in Centralizer (his favorite publication) that there was a new opportunity for him at Central.

Now that Gritty is back to his old self and ready to take on his new career path, the question is: what will change at Central under the reign of this furry, orange creature? First, every student will be required to dye their hair orange. Next, air conditioning will be turned on at all times and windows will be open in winter.The gym will be transformed into an ice rink and the physical education uniform will be changed to Gritty costumes, and much more. Central is a college preparatory school and Gritty is going to make sure that students are ready for any possible situation. What if a student goes to a college in Antarctica and all of the heaters are broken for a week? This is something that Mr. McKenna clearly never thought of. What if a student’s college of choice has orange as a school color? They will already be showing school pride with their hair. This level of care for the students while still remaining true to the roots of Central is what will make Gritty stand out in contrast with any former president. 

The 2022-23 school year will be the start of an era at Central. This era is new and exciting, but also possibly never ending because nobody is sure of Gritty’s age, or if he even dies. We all loved Gritty when he was just a humble mascot, but now that he is becoming the President of our prestigious school, we can adore that googly-eyed, orange bearded creature even more. We love you Gritty!

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