New Classes Just Dropped… Hopefully

By: Juan-Lin, “Is this really necessary?”

As you all know, Central’s subject selection happened recently: a bunch of clueless freshmen scrambling around with panic while the upperclassmen sit laid-back, knowing they’ll get that psychology or computer science class before everybody else does. How unfair, right? Worry no more! Well…at least until school selection next year, then you can go through this fabulous process again. Even though doubling up in math allows you the privilege of bragging to your peers and having your ego stroked by being able to take calculus by senior year, here is a list composed of classes that might change your mind.

Sleep management class

Central kids are smart: being able to apply the quadratic formula that they’ll forget immediately after the test, memorize all the elements with odd atomic numbers on the periodic table, calculate the amount of heat the sun must’ve lost on its course to earth considering distance, the amount of homework they have to do for the day, and wind, all while juggling 14 clubs at once. But if there is one thing they are unable to do, it’s managing their sleep schedule. From the tryhards to the huge procrastinators who start work at 10pm, no one has any idea how to do that. That’s why it would be great to have this as a class. It should already be a class, where kids are taught how to manage their horrible, terrible, unreasonable sleep time they get each week, just to repeat it the following week when Monday rolls around again. Oh, and to avoid looking like sleep-deprived zombies when they walk into class everyday.

Swimming class

Not only will it get students active again after being virtual for a year behind the reasonable amount of broken cameras and mics that are never fixed, it’ll also be fun, something that not all classes offer. Learning this new skill will help you with balance and coordination, and will come in handy when you need to swim 10 feet out into the water to grab that unicorn floatie that floated away when you were busy splashing water around. “Where will it be taking place though?” You might be asking yourself. On the 6th floor containing the swimming pool, of course! You thought it would be the 5th? No way, that’s where Central’s private theater is. Anyways, overall this is a great class, a total 9, and not a 10 only because it’ll probably be taken by the juniors before getting to the underclassmen.

The fake “AP” or “IB” class

Taking difficult classes can be challenging all the time, but what if you can take an “AP/IB” class without actually putting in effort? Well, that’s what these classes are for! Whether you want to impress your friends or hold up the expectations of your strict and demanding parents of being a model student, you should really look into this. You literally do minimal work in this class, if you even count showing up and taking attendance as work. Not to mention credits of 0.8 for each class you take (you lose some, you win some). People might make fun of you for it, but at least you’re guaranteed that paper IB diploma when you graduate in 12th grade!

The class that teaches you … how to skip class. Wait, is this even legal?

Let’s admit it: we’ve all at some point in our high school career wanted to skip class and have two periods of lunch, maybe even three. Skipping class is a skill, not just some momentary rash decision from spending 5 hours the previous night cramming your English essay about Shakespeare. There are ways to go on about it, such as calculating the routes of teachers that walk around the school that might call you out, the amount of time after the bell rings that you leave so your previous teacher doesn’t suspect that you are about to skip your next class to see your friends, and the maximum amount of classes you’re able to skip before your teacher calls home. And it’s okay if half the students don’t show up the first day to this class, it just means they’re so good that they’ve already mastered the art of skipping class.

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