By Professionally Punctual

We all know getting to school on time can be a hassle. With crowded buses that whiz past you without stopping, angry honking drivers, the backed-up parking lot, or the long and windy trek on Olney from the subway slowing you down, arriving at school at 8:11 is not uncommon. Here, I have some of the solid, creative, and, most importantly, believable reasons I’ve collected to convince your advisor to mark you present and on time. If you’re doubtful, some of these have worked on the dubious Mr. Martin, who is widely known as the advisory adversary. Use with caution (and if anyone asks, you made these up yourself).

• “Mr. Horwitz tried to sell me Phillies tickets.” Everyone knows how long that takes. (This one works!)
• Glued toothbrush inside mouth when using superglue instead of toothpaste.
• Traffic jam. Central’s infamous parking lot deer got in the way.
• Too close to Block Blast high scores to go to bed. 
• Hallucinating Blocks IRL and almost got hit by a bus on the way to school.
• Morning practice for students’ rigorous Block Blast club team ran late.
• The suspense was brutal. Student was watching Reels when the Instagram time limit went off. They still really wanted to see the end of the video. “One more reel and then I’m done,” says student (286).
• Metal detectors. Ms. Snyder said you can skip the unbearable lines today, but only if you’re wearing green Sambas and red underwear. Too specific for the masses (and did not shorten the line).
• Olney Dunkin’ had free donuts and the line was out the door.
• Eagles Superbowl win. Too tired to come to school. Another student (285) showed up three hours early because they were “already on Broad anyway.”
• Had to finish recording self-produced podcast (Go listen to The Centralizer podcast!)
• Rough night. Student (284) woke up on the stoop of a house two blocks away from his home. Wondering how he got there.
• SEPTA driver got off the bus because his foot fell asleep. “Just walk the rest of the way,” he told tardy passengers.