The #1 Student on theIneligibility List (283) | A Probie

Since my freshman year at Central, teachers have been preaching the importance of good grades and attendance, like it’s a matter of life and death. I mean, really, is it possible to not have “three grades below seventy” if you’re taking Algebra 2 Honors AP Chem, and PE with a particularly strict teacher?

Don’t even get me started on the whole “no more than ten latenesses” policy! We’re high-schoolers; we need our sleep. Most of us live more than an hour away, so we’d have to leave our houses by 7 AM to get to school on time, meaning waking up at 6 AM just to be ready, EVERY DAY! With the mountains of homework we get, there is no way we are getting the recommended nine hours of sleep we need. So I’m just following the CDC’s recommendations and getting my beauty sleep.

Honestly, I’m grateful to be ineligible. What most people don’t know is that life as an ineligible student is great! While all of my friends are stressed about finding the perfect prom dress or even more panicked about getting a date, I’m kicking back and relaxing. I don’t have to (can’t) go to another dumb school dance, so no stressful shopping or failed promposals for me. And you know that senior ski trip? Guess who avoided getting hurt? Yours truly! Not going skiing is the best way not to get stuck on the slopes!

Back when I was an eligible student, with all A’s, I used to be stressed about going to lacrosse practice. I’d lug all my bags and my lacrosse stick on the bus and then the subway, carrying them all the way to Central, just to put everything through the metal detectors. Then, after school, I’d have to run around for hours, and go home in the dark. Now, I sometimes don’t even bring my backpack to school. Who needs it when you’re ineligible?

The best part about being ineligible isn’t sleeping in (even though that’s pretty great) or essentially having a free homework pass every night; it’s how much money I’ve saved. The average CHS senior, for example, if they went to every school event since the beginning of the year, will have spent $5 for Museum Day, $60 for a Homecoming ticket, $60 for a Senior Cardigan, $10 for the Turkey Bowl, $10 for a Powder Puff ticket ($40 if you played), $4 for Club Palooza, $10 for Matilda, $120 for the Ski Trip, and around $50 in Central merch so they can show their “school spirit” at all these events. This totals around $359! This isn’t even counting Central Night at the Phillies tickets ($35), prom (who knows how much?!), or class dues ($250)! Sure, Horwits has his holiday discounts, like the Groundhog Day Special for Central Night at the Phillies, but you know what the best coupon is? Being ineligible! Since I’ve been on the list, I have spent a total of $0, not including the Dunkin purchases that are usually the culprits of my latenesses. Do your parents a favor too by skipping class to save them some money on graduation tickets.Sure, walking across the stage and receiving a degree and awards for high grades could be nice, but is it really worth the hassle of staying off the Ineligibility List? 

Don’t forget kids, Academic Ineligibility is the new Distinguished Honors!